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Match report on 'tedious' bore-draw goes viral

A football reporter’s philosophical take on a “tedious and excruciating” 0-0 draw has become an unlikely web hit.

Herald sportswriter Callum Baird’s penned a tongue-in-cheek piece on Saturday’s Scottish Cup tie between Morton and Airdrieonians featuring a 56-word drop-intro.

A scanned photograph of the reprt has since received thousands of retweets on Twitter and the article itself took top spot for web views on the Newsquest-owned title’s website, much to his astonishment.

In his intro, Callum referenced founder of Taoism Lao Tzu and went on to question whether the Chinese philosopher’s faith in the duality of the universe bore relevance in the context of this match and the more exciting news that Glasgow rivals Rangers and Celtic had been drawn to play each other in the Scottish League Cup.

The start of Callum's match report which has gone viral online

The start of Callum’s match report which has gone viral online

Asked about his piece’s unexpected notoriety, Callum told HTFP: “”It was a bit of a crazy day.

“I was working in the office on Monday, and it was surreal sight watching a Morton-Airdrie 0-0 draw slowly climb up the website’s most-viewed stories.

“It takes a lot these days to knock post-referendum stuff, not to mention the first Old Firm derby in years, down the list.

“Maybe there’s an undiscovered market for Taoist match reports somewhere out there.

“I actually nearly didn’t even go to the game, I’d swithered between that and the Edinburgh City-Brora Rangers match, a cracker that finished 3-2.

“I was kicking myself when the final whistle went on Saturday, but it’s probably been worth it in the end.

“I’m just worried now that I’ll be sent to cover the replay.”

And, judging by the conclusion of his initial report, it’s not just himself he feels sorry for:

Callum Baird 2


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  • November 6, 2014 at 7:29 am

    Tried to think of a clever philosophical comment but how can you top that? Absolutely brilliant!

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  • November 6, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    Back in early 1980s a radio reporter in Northern Ireland delivered his Irish League match report thus: Bangor 0 Distllery 0 and, if you think that sounds like 90 minutes of boring and lifeless football between two inept teams, you have hit the nail on the head. You listeners don’t deserve to suffer as I have just done. Bangor 0 Distillery 0

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