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Dyson at Large: Don't use corny clichés in headlines

Let’s get my main gripe out of the way: local newspapers must try harder to avoid corny headlines, especially on page one.

‘ALL ABOARD’ was the splash for the Batley & Birstall News on Thursday October 9 2014, and it made me groan out loud.

Those two words might just have worked as part of a sub-heading, such as ‘Locals are all aboard for station revamp’, or they could have been used to introduce the caption, or they might even have headlined a picture story that showed people boarding a train.

But a splash headline needs to be much more active and meaningful, such as ‘Let’s repair our station’, or ‘Batley needs a new station’, not reminiscent of some Victorian controller’s bellow in the days before public announcement systems.

What’s worse is that this ‘ALL ABOARD’ takes up less than half the width of page one, and almost feels part of the ‘£10 rail offer’ boost as the eye wanders to find a focus.

Batley & Birstall News

Put simply, ‘ALL ABOARD’ is a hackneyed phrase that’s empty of meaning, dull and pointless, the sort of cliché that local papers use too often.

Instead, journalists should remember to think subject, verb, object, and try to tell readers exactly who’s doing what to who, starting with headlines and continuing with simple language throughout stories.

Which is where I get to my next whinge: the jargon that remained in this story was sloppy.

Try this from the second paragraph of the write-off on page one: “A group, led by Coun Gwen Lowe, believes that saving the gateway into the town will go hand in hand with regenerating Batley’s economy.”

Using an indirect quote means paraphrasing into plain English, not just deleting the speech marks but using the same gobbledegook anyway.

More obscure words appeared in the introduction of the main story on page five: “A new era for Batley Railway Station would run in parallel to the regeneration of commerce in the town according to a new action group.”

Eh? Is that the way you’d talk to your mate in the pub? If it is, you’d soon be left standing.

It sounds to me too much like copying and pasting what was sent in on the press release, rather than challenging every sentence and word to make sure they are right for your readers.

The story subject itself, by the way, was fine: Batley’s crumbling station needs repairing, and a group of worthy locals is calling on everyone to get involved.

Moving on, there were other decent stories – and mainly active headlines – in the News that week, including: ‘Governors face the axe at Bruntcliffe’ leading page four; ‘Taxi drivers’ solidarity with executed hostage’ leading page seven; ‘Grit services face winter cutbacks’ leading page 16; and ‘New head shares vision’ on page 18.

But other headlines lacked that final touch of finesse, such as: ‘UK Greetings to stop making cards here’ leading page eight (where? ‘in town’ would have done); ‘Caring our lives away?’ leading the spread about stressed carers on pages 12 and 13 (the words worked, but the question mark wasn’t needed); and ‘A&E among best performing’ leading page 14 (the last word left space for six letters on the second line, so why not add ‘in UK’?)

Am I being too picky? Perhaps, but newspapers are about using words that clearly explain stories, so why not spend a few more minutes studying the proofs and taking advantage of every space?

Pleasingly, better attention was paid to lively shorts, including: ‘Moped driver injured in crash’ and ‘Tax cheat jailed’ on page three; ‘Thief disturbs breakfast time’ and ‘Festival winners are announced’ on page five; ‘New panel formed to fight child sex abuse’ on page six; and ‘Strike to hit bin collections’ on page 11.

More praise is due for the hard-working ‘Reports from the courts’ section on page 14, packing in 31 detailed convictions in a quarter page of small point, and for the traditional but interesting ‘Planning applications’ on page 16, this time squeezing in 41 cases under the useful sub-headings of ‘Received’, ‘Approved’, ‘Withdrawn’, ‘Not required’ and ‘Invalid’.

And while it’s not strictly editorial, a busy ‘Family announcements’ section always speaks volumes about a newspaper’s local worth, and so it was good to see three pages of obituaries, acknowledgements and birthday memories.

But the real gem in the paper was the best piece of user-generated content I’ve seen for a long time: a ‘Head Lines’ column written by Jonny Mitchell, the straight-talking headteacher from Thornhill Community Academy, star of Channel 4’s Educating Yorkshire.

The Batley & Birstall News is part of the ‘Reporter series’ owned by Johnston Press, and the Thornhill school actually lies in nearby Dewsbury, home of sister paper Dewsbury Reporter, which also carried the column.

But that’s no matter: Mr Mitchell’s first person piece – this week headlined ‘I’d rather be a myth buster than gullible!’ – was a good enough read to appear in any Yorkshire paper, and whoever signed him up should be very satisfied.

The 72-page News, with an extra 16-page ‘Property’ section, costs 80p (64p for subscribers) and was selling an average of 4,908 copies a week in 2013.

32 comments

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  • October 29, 2014 at 9:34 am
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    I’m astounded that Dyson didn’t pick up on a Blackpool Gazette splash from a few weeks ago. Their lead story dealt with a man convicted for a brutal sexual assault; their chosen one-word headline was “IRRESPONSIBLE”.

    And much scratching of heads did follow…

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  • October 29, 2014 at 10:20 am
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    No, Observer. Steve Dyson is being anything but picky. “Tell it like you’d tell it down the pub”, “Use every inch of space” and “Challenge every sentence in releases” are timeless values that it seems some people need reminding of from time to time.

    As for Steve’s main point about cliched headlines – read Keith Waterhouse’s Daily Mirror style book for more details.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 10:31 am
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    In the days where local papers are woefully understaffed and skeleton teams are doing their utmost to get the same quality newspaper out as was published 10 years ago, yes you are being too picky.

    I suggest you look back over Hold The Front Page stories and find out what this newspaper has been subjected to thanks to its owners before you rip it to pieces again.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 10:42 am
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    Having said that… they’re running on about 0.001 staff, so what do you expect?

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  • October 29, 2014 at 10:43 am
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    The whole story seems to be based on a platform that’s gone off the rails.

    I’ll get my coat…

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  • October 29, 2014 at 11:19 am
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    Missed seeing Steve Dyson’s usual story-count figure in this review

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  • October 29, 2014 at 12:36 pm
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    These reviews are almost entirely pointless, and have been for seven or eight years. The vast majority of us know how to do the job, but in that timeframe those of us who are left have had an ever-decreasing amount of time and resources to do it properly. It’s like telling the police to catch more criminals as budgets are slashed – I’m sure they’d love to.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 1:16 pm
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    Steve, give it a rest mate. You really don’t have any idea what it’s like these days.
    None at all.
    If you did you’d steer clear of this needless, inane nitpicking which only demoralises those trying their best to do a decent job under hugely difficult circumstances who barely have the time or resource to get a paper out, never mind micro-manage each story.
    The job’s changed. The industry’s changed. The thrust of your column needs to change too to reflect that.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 1:35 pm
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    I was trained to get a verb in a heading whenever possible, but this seems to have gone out of fashion. The worst I ever saw was SHOPPING TROLLEY. I don’t think shopping is a verb in this case!

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  • October 29, 2014 at 1:42 pm
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    Steve is right. Whatever the pressures you MUST get that front page right and make it punchy.
    But it is true second best is becoming acceptable because few papers have enough staff to check pages properly, let alone strive for cracking headings.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 1:46 pm
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    Ex-JP sub here.

    As I understand it these splashes are not put together in the understaffed regional offices, but are designed centrally in Peterborough or Sheffield by a ‘design hub’, consisting of people with only limited (or no) local knowledge of the areas covered within the newspapers they are working upon.

    The remaining news pages are templates into which reporters directly write. No subs are involved in the process (they sacked us all!), because the JP mantra is ‘right first time’.

    I’d have personally given the splash a stronger headline, but in terms of pure design I find it rather attractive, nicely framed and balanced with good use of colour.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 2:10 pm
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    Taken from Dyson’s website: ‘Steve launched Dyson Media Ltd in 2010 to deliver training, strategic reviews and crisis media advice to high-profile individuals and blue-chip organisations across the UK. Clients range from city council chief executives to Premiership football chairmen, and from international construction firms to leading housing associations.’
    How very public bar of him.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 2:27 pm
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    Many thanks for all the feedback.

    What often drives the pickiness of this blog is the ‘good enough’ approach of too many in regional and local newspapers. ‘Good enough’ equals failure if people don’t read a story because the headline doesn’t grab them, or if they do read it but don’t understand it because of the jargon.

    I know this attitude can be prompted by feeling exhausted from constant management changes, cuts and online cheer-leading. And in some cases, I’ve even heard management suggest ‘good enough’. But it doesn’t, I’m afraid, excuse trained journalists accepting dull headlines or offering press releases thinly masquerading as news.

    That’s general industry comment, though. Overall, the Batley and Birstall News contained some good – and occasionally excellent – content. A few more minutes on the headlines and plain English would have made it shine.

    And just for ‘streatham2′: there were, by my count, 323 stories on 52 editorial pages. A good figure.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 2:28 pm
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    I disagree Roy. I’ve read Steve Dyson’s reviews from trainee to news editor and I’ve found them enormously useful.
    Yes, resources are stretched more thinly these days but that doesn’t mean complacency and sloppiness should creep in.
    You say “the vast majority of us” know how to do the job, but I think you’re referring to subs and editors.
    Most newsrooms are dominated by trainees who definitely don’t know how to do the job and need constant guidance and feedback in order to improve.
    This stuff is helpful.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 3:32 pm
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    ‘Tell it like you’d tell it down the pub’ – the readers would be looking at it on their phone at the pub, so you wouldn’t need to tell it.

    ‘Use every inch of space’ – maybe on the front page, but otherwise difficult when you’ve got a preset template to adhere to.

    ‘Challenge every sentence in releases’ – unfortunately and unintentionally you hit the nail on the head two words later, as most days in the newsroom do seem timeless. In that there isn’t any.

    As for the headline, in the digital 21st century world of Buzzfeed and Huffington Post the headline should be written like this, and I don’t like it any more than anyone else:

    “These people want a better railway station. What they did next has got the whole town talking.”

    Daily Manager is correct.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 3:40 pm
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    Steve Dyson is being too picky. The front page is fine (if anything, it just needs an exclamation mark).
    Reminds me of some tiresome old subs who used to dent young reporters’ confidence with their constant moaning.
    I remember once, a fresh-faced editor/proprietor took over, called the moaner into his office, and fired him on the spot with a month’s salary in lieu of notice.
    It was a long time ago.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 3:43 pm
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    Come on Steve Dyson, come to Leeds and try and do a better job with the resources that this paper, and The Yorkshire Post and Yorkshire Evening Post, have left.
    If you do, your columns will be more informed and insightful. You wil alsol be spending more time on the Editorial floor than all the salivating former editors in the Johnston Press hierarchy who continue to issue pronouncements and jump to Ashley Highfield’s commands while having no comprehension of what it is now like to be a journalist on these titles.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 4:42 pm
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    Gang of four. Havent you? You still found time to comment when you could have filled a template with an unedited press release and a grotty sent-in pic. Shame on you. (only joking, I am sure you work very hard).

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  • October 29, 2014 at 4:49 pm
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    Steve D is useful. There are very few good experienced hacks left to guide the green young reporters (and no proper editors on lots of papers) so they plough on through press releases thinking they are the finished article. You used to learn more working on a paper than you ever would on a college course. Not so sure now. It’s all self-editing.

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  • October 29, 2014 at 5:16 pm
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    Good headline. It was just the ticket and right on track….

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  • October 29, 2014 at 7:02 pm
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    Dinosaur Dyson – you haven’t got a clue about modern churnalism with many of us, including trainees, having to source, write, place stories in pre-defined boxes and then add the headlines.
    You just make it all so much worse for us
    Disappointed Hack

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  • October 30, 2014 at 11:25 am
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    For me, despite the pressure, lack of bodies etc etc etc, having a dull front is inexcusable.

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  • October 30, 2014 at 11:44 am
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    Would Steve Dyson care to tell us how he can get his suggested heading Let’s repair our station in the page one space provided.
    I’m afraid 24pt splash headings are a bit light.
    Or perhaps Steve can suggest an alternative to ALL ABOARD with the same count.
    Perhaps it would be a good idea if Steve Dyson spent a few weeks working in a contemporary district office and then told us what he discovers.
    That would make interesting reading.

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  • October 30, 2014 at 1:37 pm
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    Amid all the huffing and puffing, I haven’t seen one half decent alternative to ‘All Aboard’. Steve’s suggestions are so dreary that I’d rather see no headline at all than those!

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  • October 30, 2014 at 9:36 pm
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    So given the tight space in that headline box, Steve, what would be your choice of headline?

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  • October 30, 2014 at 10:55 pm
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    I feel sorry for kids starting careers on papers.They arrived about ten years too late for print , although they easily adapt to digital.

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  • November 4, 2014 at 2:20 pm
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    I know journalists’ work is in the public domain and so open to scrutiny and criticism but the tone of this blog makes me feel uncomfortable.
    It is judging newspapers by standards that can no longer be met by newspapers put together with just two or three reporters and a newsdesker responsible for x many different titles and designed by a remote overworked subbing hub responsible for x many more.

    A better blog would be one analysing newspaper owners’ strategies and staffing decisions and how this impacts on newsgathering not one picking holes in the last few remaining journalists’ efforts to keep the industry going.

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  • November 7, 2014 at 10:51 am
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    Not sure if this has been highlighted – but look at how much space there is for that headline. How can you really put something meaningful when there is space for just two words?

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