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Lapdance virgin tests new hot spot

The Tamworth Herald received an invite to the opening of the town’s salacious new nightspot.
But reporter Andrew Wragg decided to make an impromptu second visit on Sunday to see if any further surprises were in store.

As a lap dance virgin in a long-term relationship, I wasn’t the obvious candidate for the operation.

But I was assured our readers wouldn’t need the full monty, so at the appropriate moment I would make my excuses and leave.

They were attentive, appeared interested, and, for a while, spoke little of their intentions.

A lap dance costs £20 but no money is exchanged with girls themselves. To see some action, summon a waitress and buy a token. If you’re lucky, you’ll catch very happy hour – when, like Sainsbury’s, it’s two for one.

Hand the chip to your favourite fox and wait excitedly to be beckoned. She’ll take you behind one of three curtains into a small, monitored room, where you will be ‘entertained’ for approximately four minutes.

Yes folks, one song is all you get so best wait until American Pie is playing unless a dancer is feeling particularly generous.

The lap dance experience is probably the antithesis of what goes before. You begin the night by getting intimate with a glamour girl who panders to your every need. She seeks you out, she listens, she looks into your eyes and she makes you feel special.

The confident swagger of the innocent young men about to go behind the curtain is indicative of the illusion these sirens create.

For four minutes, they get lost in the fantasy…and if it’s payday, perhaps four more.

But then it’s over. Reality hits and the women move on. There’s no second date in this pseudo-relationship.

The rules are all in place – which includes no touching of the dancers – and the bouncers are just a whisker away should customers get over-zealous.

The women will strip to a thong for the dance – some so revealing ‘you can glimpse the bits’ – and it is they who control the action.

It seems to be a merciless tease. A futile courtship that is either an outlet for male frustration, or a generator of sexual tension. It’s hard to say which.

But what is certain is that Cloud 10 has propelled an historic market town into a whole new era. It’s out there, it’s high profile, it’s probably a sign of things to come.

A full version of this story first appeared in the Herald.

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