Trying to connect you!
by Graham Smith

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Hurried calls to more senior broadband brain surgeons elsewhere in the world failed to make the system work. Three men went home for their tea, a fourth looked at the screen with an expression like he had been hit with a large hammer and the supervisor bravely battled for reception. Nothing. Eventually he went home for his tea leaving the household with no telephone, no e-mail facilities and no Internet connection. The dog emerged from his hiding place looking decidedly shell shocked, not best pleased that his tea was late and demanding aspirin for the headache the drilling had left him with.

Several hours later I called the broadband help line. After forty five minutes of a concert by Brahms, Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin and Louis Armstrong a real person stirred me from sleep on the end of the receiver.

“Ah well we’ve been having problems today because someone backed their car into a control box and no one’s been able to connect,” said the lady. Tempted to offer to introduce her parents to each other, I desisted. The syrup tins arrive tomorrow. I’ll install them myself.

Come back World Cup Willy
Those of you of a certain age will remember England’s World Cup mascot of 1966, World Cup Willy. He was a lion dressed in a Union Jack shirt and never once got himself in trouble with a lioness.

Prior to this year’s World Cup we have been treated to an avalanche of drivel about England boss Sven Goran Eriksson and Ulrika Jonsson. They are alleged to have been playing offside, scoring own goals, taking a dive together, caught in a tackle, you’ve heard all the clichés.

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