Barry Beelzebub – The Devil’s Advocate
A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post

Page 2 of 2

You simply cannot reason with these people. Some of them are just stark, raving mad, some of them go on demonstrations because… err, that’s what they do, and the rest are confused grannies with a stupidly-sentimental attachment to all things furry.

Take vegetarian Kimberley Reynolds, for instance. Miss Reynolds, 24, of Tiverton, Devon, bought a butcher’s bike for £10 and then buried it in her garden “as a mark of respect to all the dead animals delivered on it.”

Right on, Kimberley. That’ll show them. I bet the factory farm owners are quaking in their boots.

I’d just like to be around when one of these balaclava-clad buffoons ends up in hospital with a serious illness. Would they turn down life-saving drugs because they’d been tested on animals? I think not.

Anyway, can’t stop. My man Whittaker is down in the Lower Meadow trying to come to terms with the ban on fox-hunting. He’s busy teaching his dog to shoot.

The Government has been quick to promise changes in the law to prevent the case of the twins bought and sold over the Internet ever happening again.

But where were they when two homosexuals from Essex bought themselves a pair of twins in the States and shipped them home? I don’t remember Mr Blah condemning that deal. What’s the difference?

The fact that the Kilshaws are Welsh and that Mrs Kilshaw is clearly barking mad are two very good reasons to rescue these poor kids, but does this mean that coming from Wales now carries a greater social stigma than being a sausage jockey?

I have no great objection if this is the case. I just think we should be told.

– The views of Mr Beelzebub are purely personal and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Editor or staff of this newspaper, of anyone who’s bought a box of Svit; of anyone who knows what Poundstretcher shops do during the January sales, or of anyone not mourning the passing of Auberon Waugh. This feeble column is not fit to mention his name.

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