Everything’s dafter in Texas
by Graham Smith

Page 3 of 3

I howled one day when an articulated waggon driver, and he was as articulated as his vehicle, cast doubts on the parentage of three motorists and almost mangled a local poodle which was innocently cocking a leg on a lamp post.

I blame the poodle. Three drivers had decided that the waggon was not supposed to be there and hurtled onto the roundabout all at once. There were lots of index fingers waving, offers to do unspeakable things with a Ford Orion and the language was definitely not for the vicar’s tea party.

The waggon driver was not amused. He had already offered to marry the parents of two of the offending drivers when the third cut a dash for the inside of his waggon and disappeared at an alarming speed with a substantial amount of the door paint on the wing mirror.

Miffed to say the least the waggon driver exited his cab, locked the door, left the waggon straddling the pimple and nipped into the local for a swift nerve steadier. Emerging 10 minutes later he revved up, stormed off in a cloud of diesel and left a police car, a queue of irate motorists and an incontinent poodle wondering what had happened.

Magic mushrooms
Corrosive mutant fungi are likely to come back to Earth with the Russian space station Mir.

A space expert has warned that micro-organisms that have spent the last 15 years mutating in isolation aboard Mir could present a threat if they survive re-entry.

Researchers believe the fungi could be virulent if mixed with earth-bound varieties. Give it time and someone will be smoking it or serving it up as a delicacy at the local restaurant.

Come fly with me
Recently I had the pleasure of spending a day with The Red Arrows, a bunch of young men who do wonderful things with aircraft which would re-introduce most of us to our breakfasts before lunch.

If a hiccup occurs they are equipped with ejector seats which chuck them out of the cockpit at an alarming speed. I asked if they had cushions and was politely told that if they had it would be extremely dangerous and have the effect of turning haemorrhoids into a throat complaint!

Graham Smith can be contacted by e-mail at [email protected] or by phone on 07092 103738, for ideas about having a laugh at life, internationally, nationally, regionally or locally.

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