A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post

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Oh, Mandy. Well you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, oh Mandy.

So the only British cabinet minister to have a song written about him by Barry Manilow has flounced off in a huff after getting caught telling porkies for the umpteenth time. Hell hath no fury like a pouff scorned.

This may not be the total disaster for Mr Blah that most political commentators predict. Because Mandleson, the Wicked Fairy in NuLabour’s ongoing pantomime, personifies just about everything that is wrong with the so-called people’s party. Gave without taking? You must be kidding.

I’ve never had much regard for politicians since David Broadbent bribed his way to the prized role of milk monitor in Class 1A of Seymour Park Infants School, but the Wicked Fairy makes my flesh creep. Never can one man have so blatantly milked his time in office for his own gain.

From the dodgy loans, to the dodgy mortgage application, to the dodgy favours for the dodgy friends, Mandelson has ruthlessly exploited his power, living it up at our expense and making a mockery of the principles of Socialism.

And just how did his Brazilian boyfriend, an unemployed student, get an entry visa?

God only knows what the poor people of Hartlepool, who elected him in the first place, must think. Perhaps the story about him mistaking mushy peas for “guacamole” in a fish and chip shop was true after all.

The Mandelson affair is symptomatic of the sickness at the heart of NuLabour. He will not be the last of Mr Blah’s sleazeballs to come unstuck.

The only question is how many and how soon?

It almost makes you wish that the Tories were back. At least their scandals usually involved spanking and sex.

The editor of this mighty organ telephones me from the Masonic Hall, where he’s getting drunk in the company of the Right Worshipful Master.”Bazza,” he cries, “they’re handing out GCSEs in brick-laying. That’s another one I can put on my CV. That Daily Star job will yet be mine!”

And indeed they are. Education Secretary David Blunkett has announced that vocational subjects such as gas-fitting and plumbing will be taught in schools and awarded GCSE status. What a splendid plan, but can you just imagine the test paper?

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