OK. So it would be too long to fit in a Christmas Cracker, but we love it:

This piece of Tarmac is in a Christmas party when a lump of granite walks upto him.

“I’m ‘ard, I am,” says the granite. “Buy me a drink.”

Not wanting any trouble, the Tarmac buys the granite a drink and thegranite, determined to show how hard he is, moves off to threaten a piece ofasphalt he spots across the room.

Just then, a piece of red Tarmac comes in and the granite looks up in horrorand slinks into a corner.

Intrigued, the first piece of Tarmac asks the granite what the problem iswith the red party-goer.

“Don’t mess with him,” says the granite. “He’s a cycle-path!”

If you can do better – or worse – send us your festive funnies now by E-mail

The “best” wins a box of luxury chocolates in time for Christmas, and the “worst” wins a box of our HoldTheFrontPage seaside rock. Entries close at 3pm on Thursday, December 14, 2000.

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