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That's a cracker!

The first sleigh-load of festive jokes has arrived at HoldtheFrontPage from the stalwarts of the regional press nationwide.

Those who sent them in are doing the industry proud – don’t forget there’s a box of luxury chocolates for the best, and a bag of our very own seaside rock for the worst.

We’re on the lookout for some corking Christmas cracker jokes.

E-mail us with your finest to: the Editor at HoldtheFrontPage.

First off the mark was:

  • Mary-Ann Bloomfield, of the Mid Devon Gazette, with three bites at the cherry – and the promise of more to follow:

    Q: What do you call a cross between a parrot and a centipede?
    A: Walkie-talkie

    Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention ofdriving.

    Q: What’s the best form of birth control after 50?
    A: Nudity.

  • Liz Carnell at the Yorkshire Evening Post came up trumps with:

    Q: Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
    A: Up his sleevies.

    Q: Where would you find a dog with no legs?

    A: Where you left it.

  • And a special mention for Charlie Allan, from the Evening Express, Aberdeen, whose joke wouldn’t fit in a cracker but was irresistable:

    Two Russians, Olf and Erik, are sitting on a train when Erik decides to buy some beer.

    Olf takes one sip of his beer, spits it over the woman sitting next to him and starts to swear.

    He takes another sip and promptly spits the beer over another woman and then starts cursing and swearing again.

    Olf sups some more beer and promptly vomits on a little girl, while swearing and saying rude things to her mother.

    “What’s going on here?” shouts the guard, as he rushes towards the two Russians.

    “Sorry,” says Erik…

    “It’s just that rude Olf, the red, loathes train beer.”

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