AddThis SmartLayers

Unidentified Headline 86

A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post


Page 2 of 2

The first pictures to come out of a so-called liberated Kabul were of a bloke dancing about in the street waving a transistor radio while another chap was having his beard shaved off.

But what if Westlife were top of the Kabul pops? And what if the only razor blade available had just been used by Mrs Abdul to scrape five years’ stubble off her legs. It doesn’t bear thinking about.

At least we still have the good old Iranians to keep women firmly in their place. Last week they banned 300 female Irish football fans from attending a match in Teheran.

The excuse was that the women might have been offended by bad language. Having spent the odd night in Dublin amid a tidal wave of drunken hen parties come out, I rather think it might have been the other way round.

There really is no point in taking women to football matches anyway. By the time you explain to them why everyone’s kicking the other way in the second half, you’ve missed most of the action. And if they’re at the match with you, who’s at home getting the tea on the table?


You may have heard of the smash hit web site of the year, Friends Reunited, which allows people to contact old schoolmates. Now someone has had the inspired idea of launching Bullies Reunited, through which playground thugs can contact their old victims. The site also contains some useful advice on giving Chinese burns.

So if Paul Dobrowski (aka “Stinker”) is reading this, you owe me 36 years dinner money, you little scrote. Should be enough to buy a small yacht, by now. Payment by Friday, please, or I’ll hang you from the roof of the flats by your legs again.

BARRY BEELZEBUB
The views of Mr Beelzebub are purely personal and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Editor or staff of this newspaper, of anyone who thinks Nigel de Gruchy is fit to run a trades union, of anyone not embarrassed by that sickeningly lovey-dovey couple on Blind Date, or of anyone who thinks multiple shagger Mick Jagger deserves a knighthood. Still, if they’re handing them out to puffs now, perhaps he’s got a chance.

Back to the Barry Beelzebub Index