A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post

Page 2 of 2

A young lady called Vicky Botwright (honest), an up-and-coming British squash player, has succeeded in her appeal to be allowed to perform in championships wearing just a thong and a sports bra. I wouldn’t know, but Vicky claims that a thong makes it easier to move around the court.

While welcoming this development in women’s squash, and any other women’s sport where they might like to adopt it, I do hope it won’t catch on in more traditional areas like rugby. The world will be a better place if Jason Leonard’s arse retains its mystery.

Expect the great hunting debate to rear its ugly head again before long. The RSPCA has already started its campaign to have hunting with dogs banned by expelling former showjumper Richard Meade for failing to toe the party line.

This is where I get confused. If the RSPCA really wants to prevent cruelty to animals, why is it ignoring the rights of millions of chickens, the natural prey of the fox. And what about bunny rabbits and lambs and other furry, little animals?

Don’t they deserve protection too?

Pass the balaclava, Mother. I’m off to found the Beaver Liberation Front.

Slobodan Milosevic has been arrested and taken to the Hagues. I bet Ffion soon gets fed up of him dossing on the couch. Barry George, meanwhile, gets convicted of murdering Jill Dando, despite there appearing to be no evidence against him whatsoever.

One has to say that police standards are slipping. Barry George is obviously a dangerous lunatic who needs locking up for life. There is now a chance that he might get out on appeal.

Surely Scotland Yard could have fabricated sufficient solid evidence to make a cast-iron case? My old friends on the West Midlands’ Serious Crime Squad wouldn’t have let us down in that respect.

– BARRY BEELZEBUB
The views of Mr Beelzebub are purely personal and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Editor or staff of this newspaper, or of anyone who doesn’t think it was cruel to put a dog in the Big Brother house. Not cruel to the dog; cruel to Helen. The damn thing’s clearly much smarter than her.

Back to the Barry Beelzebub Index