Singing condoms and golden sausages
by Graham Smith

Freelance journalist Graham Smith, of Mediaworld, on what might catch on this Christmas.

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It’s bound to catch on for Christmas – singing condoms!

Turkey is enlisting a chorus of singing condoms to raise Aids awareness. It lends a whole new meaning to Turkish Delight doesn’t it?

But there could be snags. Just imagine getting to the crucial point and the condom breaks into a chorus of “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing” or “Softly, Softly” would be even worse and think what you could do with “I’ve got music, I’ve got rhythm”? Where will you put the band? Will it be strict tempo?

It’s been done by the Turkish Health Ministry, barmpots section obviously, which is concerned to raise children’s awareness of using condoms. It will, believe me it will, I’ll give it a fortnight before Boots are stocking CDs by Dan Durex and the Willy Warmers. The BBC will ban it, it will outsell mini-scooters by millions and you may never be able to pass the condom counter again without a silly smile on your face and a vision of six spangled specials belting out a medley.

Ready for a warm up for the carol season? Altogether now “Stand up, stand up for Jesus…”

Sorry I almost forgot the sausages. A restaurant in Dusseldorf has put golden sausages on the menu. Currywurst they’re called. I don’t know why I’ve included it in this story.

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