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Prescott's a disgrace… where was his follow-up?

A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post


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John Prescott is an absolute disgrace. Fancy trying to deck a farm worker with one pathetic jab?

Where was the follow-up body shot? Where was the uppercut? Where was the head-butt? Where was the good kicking intended to dissuade his victim from any thoughts of revenge attack? What a Nancy boy.

When I suggested some time ago that the election should be settled by a drinking contest, I didn’t really expect our politicians to embrace the concept of out-thugging each other quite as promptly as they have. Still, fisticuffs in the street beats my other idea, which was a winner-takes-all game of Naked Twister.

But despite temporarily enlivening a dull as ditchwater election campaign, Prescott’s punch-up has given the politicians the excuse they needed to keep avoiding the one thing they fear most – real people. The party apparatchiks have been quick to rule out any further mingling with the common herd on the spurious grounds of “security”.

This means that Mr Blah gets to avoid being roughed by people like that marvellous woman outside the hospital in Sutton Coldfield and can confine his walkabouts to carefully-controlled, cordoned-off groups of NuLabour nonces. The front page photo-opportunity with Phoenix the Calf can’t be far away.

One thing still concerns me more than anything about the election. We’re apparently going to let women vote again. Now I know that some of you will think that this is just good, old-fashioned misogyny (look it up, Welsh people) but I have a serious point to make.

Women are irrational, emotional and unpredictable. They can’t read maps, drive cars or understand the offside rule. Plus, at any one time, a quarter of them are going to be stark raving bonkers and likely to start frothing at the mouth.

Yet we’re about to involve them in deciding who runs the country? It doesn’t make sense. Look what happened last time.

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