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Be careful when leaving your seat!

Be careful when leaving your seat!
by Graham Smith

Freelance journalist Graham Smith, of Mediaworld, Freelance journalist Graham Smith ponders the automatically-closing toilet seat.


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The national divorce rate is forecast to plummet faster than a long drop following the invention of an automatically closing toilet seat.

Hailed as the most important potential marriage saver since Viagra it could well earn its inventor Terry Convoy at least a knighthood and undoubtedly an honoured position in every throne room in the land. He must be flushed with his success.

The 48-year-old surveyor from Harlow has spent four years perfecting the Everdown, a battery powered, self-lowering seat which works by using an infra-red sensor placed in a tiny magic eye on the underside of the lid. When the man moves away, well you would if you spotted your essential bits in focus, the spring-loaded seat is automatically replaced. But wait, this could spell trouble for those of a nervous disposition. No man in his right mind would go within a mile of a contraption so reminiscent of the finger-mangling Arkwright’s till in “Open All Hours”…think of the potential injuries.

Standing there doing what comes naturally, step back to check your toupee in the bathroom mirror, and you could end up transferring from the tenors to the sopranos for a fortnight. This is of course to say nothing of the damage to your best cavalry twills and resulting loss of credibility down at the Old Age Pensioners’ Centre.

According to Mr Convoy his invention allows men to leave the bathroom with a clear conscience.

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