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Click here for the latest column:
www.barrybeelzebub.co.uk
- Regular updates from Barry's own website -

Devil's Advocate Archive includes:

  • 'I was in the Boy Scouts with Colonel Gaddafi'
  • 'Know-nothing needy nobodies who purport to be celebrities'
  • Winners and losers - life as we know it
  • The countryside - a scary and unwelcoming place?
  • Daytime TV - 'home to dole scum, fat women and irritating adverts'
  • Barry Beelzebub takes a look at happier events this week
  • Smoking - Barry Beelzebub gets nostalgic
  • 'Condemned to a lifetime of cheap jewellery, Pot Noodles and scratchcards'
  • When it comes to turning out world-class scum, we are a great nation
  • Live Aid doodah. What's the point?
  • Is it time to set up 'pleb precincts'?
  • Call for licensing to halt 'state-funded baby factory'
  • Reality TV, the Royal Mail and 'education, educashun, edukashun'
  • 'What on earth is an Unwanted Sexual Contact Project Manager?'
  • Things can only get better
  • So what's a TONiC organiser?
  • Why making daisy chains and cooking sausages is banned...
  • Can the Tories save the 'pipple' of Britain?
  • 'How to win elections, Princess Toni style'
  • How do we stop our Elders getting out of control?
  • Gipsies, Tramps and Thieves
  • Compo Corner and Comic Relief
  • Strictly Celebrity Nude Ballroom Wrestling Academy
  • Stranded in Stupid Law territory
  • Forbidden Britain: NuLabour's 1,018 new crimes
  • No, not THAT wedding... but which one is Bazza going on about?
  • Pregnant women, Ellen MacArthur and Blah's Cool Britannia
  • We still have freedom of speech. But for how long?
  • AppleGate and the smoke police's propaganda
  • 'It doesn't mean that he's a bad person. He's just thick'
  • 'I've not seen a flag at full mast since August'
  • It's not 'water retention', it's 'cake retention'
  • Barry Beelzebub makes his New Year resolution
  • What do you buy a woman who's got everything
  • Don't mention the C-word
  • Indolence, idiocy and idleness...
  • Barry Beelzebub on the hunting ban - and his thoughts on eradicating famine
  • 'Cheap, nasty, arrogant and totally bereft of humility or understanding'
  • Should Britons voice their views on how the Yanks should vote?
  • Don't take sweets from strangers... trick or treat instead!
  • £31,845 on postage? That's 76 letters an hour
  • If God had meant us to be vegetarians, he wouldn't have made animals taste of meat
  • Birthday cake ban... can they be serious?
  • A nation of paranoid risk-dodgers - the wimps of the world's playground
  • Advertising standards? Who gives a FCUK?
  • Barry Beelzebub causes a storm
  • Is hunting with dogs really a priority?
  • Health and safety and acts of stupidity
  • Beanz meanz beans: 1-0 to the text generation
  • 'We truly are a nation of scum'
  • Any idiot can win the lottery - oh yes they can...
  • 'Don't stick your hand in a fire - it might burn'
  • 'Men are not stupid, but they are simple'
  • "Women have to understand that they can't have it all"
  • Remember Jack and the magic beans? It's not the giant who's sitting on all the gold...
  • Who is in charge of this clattering train?
  • Smacking? It never did me any harm...
  • Racism? It's enough to make a cat laugh...
  • The difference between the Taliban and football hooligans
  • Why spend millions to train Army women?
  • Why today's slack-jawed teens would never run up a beach into gunfire
  • "The man swears like a newspaper editor in church"
  • Fish fingers, the North-South divide, and that purple condom bomb
  • Censorship? It's no laughing matter...
  • When Pythagoras and divinity were on the curriculum
  • Tantric sex and the women's FA Cup
  • Barry Beelzebub plays devil's advocate over Ron's 'senior moment'
  • The Germans say St George is sick
  • Could our PM be an unashamed freeloader?
  • "Life is all about winners and losers"
  • "Smelly, nasty, spiteful and liable to cause serious injury"
  • BBC Chairman? I didn't fancy the hours...
  • "A Temple of Twaddle and a Shrine to Self-Righteousness"
  • Will renaming the Crown Prosecution Service trap more burglars and rapists?
  • Blair the liar: or is it his memory that's playing tricks?
  • Why Lottery funding's one long gravy train
  • The smell of donkey droppings, damp whippets and greasy chips
  • The Save The Beeb campaign starts here
  • Dog Gravy and "The Poveratti"
  • We're mugs as usual: Why 17m gypsies are coming to Britain
  • Freedom of Speech - for the moment at least
  • What you could pay the Government if you have a bad day
  • So what should we do with Saddam?
  • The Queen's English gets the once over from Barry Beelzebub
  • Barry Beelzebub and the frustrations of modern life
  • What is the point of being rich if you don't flash the cash?
  • "Ex-criminal, witchetty grub-eating, Pommy-bashing, Abbo-abusing dimwits"
  • Who are the law-breakers?
  • Sun-reading, Queen Mum-saluting, Pot Noodle-eating Middle England
  • What are the poor for? - asks the Devil's Advocate
  • Trick or Treat, Jim Davidson and the Diana saga
  • Should the poor be allowed to breed?
  • "Bill and Ben are arrested for smoking Little Weed"
  • Car crash TV, compo madness and the Queen's Christmas Message
  • "More bonkers than Bruno"
  • 'Benson and Hempseed and Cannabiscuits'
  • Mumbai jumbo? What's in a name?
  • Sick-note junkies, job-dodgers and the criminally-inept...
  • Good causes? You decide
  • "God Save The Queen. Please"
  • Job creation scheme that could keep Tony in power
  • Hard hats for tightrope walkers and trapeze artists?
  • Barry Beelzebub slams the 'lycra-clad buffoons'
  • Barry Beelzebub gets a pet donkey!
  • Liberal Democrat in "interesting" shock
  • Ethiopians driving mink-lined Rolls-Royces?
  • Why a fancy dress Osama's likely to be one of Wills' wacky student pals
  • The lunacy of Mr Blah's Cool Britannia
  • City of culture or city of self-delusion?
  • Why Big Brother proves a referendum would fail
  • Break out the broccoli
  • Leopard-skin leggings and nylon shell suits
  • Barry Beelzebub asks: why should fat people get special treatment?
  • "It's like giving Michael Barrymore a job as a lifeguard"
  • Midriffs and thongs: it's not big and it's not clever
  • Barry Beelzebub's vision for Iraq
  • 'The Liar of Baghdad'
  • Animal passion: a very 'English' emotion?
  • So who elected Tony "Bullets" Blah in the first place?
  • "Rag-bag militants waving joss sticks"
  • Education, education - and education
  • ... more red tape, more bureaucracy, and more managers
  • Barry Beelzebub on dual language road signs and why old ladies love donkeys
  • "Cheese-eating surrender monkeys" - just who is Barry talking about...?
  • "Gay sex outreach workers and ethnic minority playgroup facilitators"
  • A bigger threat to society than Michael Barrymore wearing swimming trunks
  • "Don't just blame the people when they elect loonies"
  • Detox and DIY colonic irrigation...
  • Young people's music has always been to blame
  • Does the latest judicial appointment match Barry Beelzebub's exacting standards?
  • Barry avoids an overdose of 'New Year Scottishness'
  • Short of a few bob at Christmas? Shop your mates!
  • Say no to fur - unless you're a beggar
  • Christmas is either racist, sexist or too commercial
  • "A feckless waster with the morals of an alley cat"
  • Death-defying firemen, fishermen and window cleaners...
  • Bonfire night and playground kickabouts: A Claims Direct bonanza
  • Is Her Maj getting all forgetful?
  • He "made Rik Waller look like Twiggy"
  • Why fixed penalty fines are a good idea
  • "Sometimes this country makes me want to puke"
  • Chuck him in the river!
  • Rule Britannia? Fool Britannia, more like
  • Aren't you proud of our British press?
  • As welcome as a B52 bomber at an Afghan wedding
  • Where were you a year ago?
  • 'Teddy bears tied to railings'
  • Want to be a millionaire? Open a florist's shop
  • Why 'Ten Little Indians' is safe
  • If we can't ban tourists, can we at least weigh them?
  • Norris-style shell-suits put one over on the London-centrics
  • Big Brother withdrawal symptoms
  • "Shipman would have got the OBE"
  • "It lurches from pillar to post like a drunken Scotsman on a runaway bus"
  • Cancer and the shortcomings of the National Health Service
  • Tim's tummy trouble
  • It was the wives that did it!
  • Patriotism, ginger hair and spam
  • More work for the Pub Police
  • Leave it, Darren. he's not worth it!
  • Tell the boss you're in bed with Ulrika
  • Pub Police, the Welsh, and road tolls
  • Valerie Singleton fantasies and those lazy teachers
  • To Germany, for the football
  • Soap-dodgers, shirt-lifters, shirkers and social workers...
  • It was always a toss-up who was more pissed: the teachers or pupils
  • Tartan trousers and weekday drinking
  • Enrol a disability warden...
  • "Our senior police officers should be ashamed of themselves"
  • Why not use redundant foxhounds to smoke out the Taliban?
  • Our roads are a war zone - wartime rules should apply
  • Which jobs can you do when you're blind drunk?
  • So what would happen if Gareth went to prison...?
  • Bazza's Pop Idol predictions
  • Why don't Big Issue sellers dress better?
  • "Chocolate is just another snack, not an obsession"
  • Who's the Minister for Men?
  • Why it's handy to plead "not guilty" in Liverpool
  • What's 'Superblah' up to now?
  • Barry's New Year resolutions


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