We enjoyed this Google alert that dropped into a photographer colleague's inbox:

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And here's a planning application geared to help people get out of the graveyard:

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And what about this suitably Python-esque item, where if you don't come up with the required word count, simply repeat the story three times.

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And some archive favourites:

Genuine story, can't remember what it was about though...

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Shouldn't that read "BJs are on the menu"?

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From a court story about a pensioner who drank far too much.

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Can't be healthy, can it?

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All together: "No, he was just pleased to see us".

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Back to our previous selection.

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Can you do better? If you've seen a headline or a news report - good, bad or bizarre - fax it to us, marked for the attention of HoldtheFrontPage, on 0116 227 3314, or e-mail us the scan at patrick.astill@and.co.uk.

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