At long last the authorities in Southend are making attempts to clamp down on the curious phenomenon that has blighted the lives of residents for years.

What am I talking about, boy racers of course, who spend their Friday and Saturday nights cruising “dahn the 127″ bound for a tribal gathering in their equivalent of Mecca – the seafront.

Who can miss the convoy of cars with their tinted headlights making the Blackpool illuminations look dimly lit, and the pulsating boots carrying a club’s worth of stereo equipment.

That’s not to mention their spoilers, which are large enough to comfortably seat a small family of four or the exhausts, which secretly house scud missiles – well they are big enough.

And as if it’s not bad enough that boy racers drive like nutters along the A127 making it hazardous for other motorists, they converge on the front revving their engines, ogling anything female with a pulse.

So in a bid to combat the problem Southend’s police, councillors, residents and “legitimate cruisers” have come up with a plan.

Construct a low level bridge over the dual carriageway so the racers huge spoilers will mean they can’t pass underneath perhaps, pass a by-law banning all cars with fluffy dice from the area, maybe.

No instead the authorities are hoping to host a “stewarded event” once a month from November.

Well I’m sorry folks that’s just not going to work. These boy racers are known as such because they like “racing” and driving recklessly to look cool in front of their mates and “impress the birds”.

I can’t see them trailing behind a convoy of “legitimate cruisers” (who are probably all old enough to be their fathers) driving at 50mph.

In fact on the evenings that the “old boys” are in town the young ones will probably be whizzing past in the opposite direction, or descending on one of the county’s other seafronts.

And who ever heard of “legitimate cruisers” anyway, shouldn’t that just be “even bigger saddos”.

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