A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post

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I can’t understand why there’s all this fuss over plans to carry out check-ups on people who are claiming incapacity benefit.

Let’s look at the facts. Incapacity benefit costs us £8 billion a year. Out of the 2.3 million people who are claiming, only 30 per cent are classed as seriously disabled. The rest are potential lead-swingers and scroungers.

Why on earth shouldn’t they have a “fit to work” check-up every three years or so? If people are genuinely disabled, then fine. But you know and I know that at least half of them are going to be policewomen with bad backs who now play netball, or office workers who decided “stress” was a sufficient excuse to spend the rest of their lives on the couch eating Hob Nobs and watching Richard and Judy.

And it’s not as if they’re going to go round tipping people out of wheelchairs, dropping £5 notes in front of blind people or running up behind deaf people and shouting “Boo!”. The worst you’ll have to endure is an interview with the over-worked GP who signed you off sick in the first place.

Of course, the real problem here is how we define the word “disabled”.

Some time ago, following the Paraplegic Olympics, I questioned the wisdom of giving an orange badge and therefore the best space in Tesco’s car park to a bloke who could run 100 metres in 22 seconds. Even if he did only have one leg.

And only last week there was a picture in this newspaper of a blind archer competing in a tournament who was said to have only 40 per cent vision. Now think about it. Hold up an imaginary bow and arrow and aim it at an imaginary target. What have you just done? You’ve closed one eye, haven’t you?

By my reckoning, you’ve now got 50 per cent vision and are eligible to enter the same competition. No? And before all the Guardianistas out there start reaching for their organic pencils and recycled writing paper, don’t bother telling me I’m prejudiced.

Only last week I was out collecting Blind Dogs for the Guides. Quite what they’re going to do with them, I don’t know, but it seemed like a good cause when I heard about it in the pub.

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