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The spirit of Christmas
by Graham Smith

Page 2 of 3

The battered Christmas dinners? Some barmpot chip shop owner thinks they are a good idea. They are filled with turkey, sprouts, carrots, peas, gravy and stuffing… excuse me the dog’s just mounted the Hoover, and it’s plugged in!

Bum deal
The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents has warned office workers against photocopying their bottoms this Christmas because of the danger from broken glass.

They say the Virgin mobile phone ad is “daft and irresponsible”.

It is also surgically impossible to remove a toner cartridge after 18 pints of Heineken.

Slugs and snails…
A Bangkok with doctor is treating 1,000 people a day with a potion she says an angel prescribed to her in a dream.

The recipe is made from boiled pig’s tails and palm sugar and world health officials say the former noodle seller’s recipe is weird. I’ve seen worse in Tesco.

The worm has turned
Did you know that Scandinavian worms enjoy sex sessions of up to three and a half hours?

Some seriously deranged person from a university in Preston, Lancashire, spent four months filming lobworms in Finland. What the hell was wrong with the thousands of them down the road in Blackpool I don’t know but he discovered that most of the Finnish worms liked to make love on top of the ground while most species did it underground.

No doubt he will receive a Lottery grant, a knighthood and a top television award.

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