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Christmas day in the workhouse
by Graham Smith

Page 2 of 2

While shepherds watch
As you warble your carols this Christmas spare a thought for scientists who are measuring the belch power of sheep to try and combat global warming.

Tests on one particular flock have revealed huge variations in the amount of methane belched out. The boffins are hoping that the results will help them change microbes in the sheep which produce gas.

For God’s sake keep them off the sprouts.

Highway to hell
May I take this opportunity to wish everyone at BT Highway a ruddy awful Christmas.

They have just taken 28 hours to install my system, wreck my nervous system and completely paralyse my business. The dog’s back on Vallium and the budgie’s incontinent with laughing at them.

I will not bore you with the details, but to the Highway manager I have only one word…Baubles.

Peace on Earth
To the journalist who called this week to ask if I am in a time warp, Merry Christmas, and yes I am.

It is a time warp in which I seek to bring a titter from life to those who read my weekly dribblings. To him, Ossie bin Liner, Camellia Parker Bowels, Monica Lewdinsky, Bill Clinton, Tone Blair, Johnny “Three Bellies” Prescott and anyone else I may have insulted in 2001, Merry Christmas and watch out in 2002.


Graham Smith can be contacted by e-mail at [email protected] or by phone on 07092 103738, for ideas about having a laugh at life, internationally, nationally, regionally or locally.

Do you have a story about the regional press? Ring 0116 227 3122/3121, or
e-mail [email protected]

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