Animal Crackers
by Graham Smith

Page 2 of 3

A bridge too far
Isn’t technology wonderful?

The £18.2 million pound Millennium bridge may have been wobbling so the boffins decided the best way to test it was to have 300 workers spend six hours walking backwards and forwards over it to find out.

The structure was fitted with shock absorbers as part of a scheme to end its sway. High-tech engineering equipment and cameras recorded the walkers every movement.

Isn’t it heartening to know that so much thought and effort goes into one of the 21st century’s biggest white elephants?

Shiny spuds
The food boffins have finally lost it, flipped, capitulated, lost their marbles and gone away with the fairies. They’ve invented a twinkling spud that gives off a special glow when it wants watering and it’s only costing £500,000 to develop.

It’s enough to put you off your chips for life isn’t it?

The wonder spud will tell farmers it wants watering by giving off an unnatural sheen. Developed at Edinburgh University, the wonderspud was created by The Institute of Cellular and Molecular Biology who added a jellyfish gene to normal crops.

Just keep a very careful eye on your fish and chips next Friday night and if it moves call the police.

Torn off a strip
The manageress of an old people’s home has been sacked after taking patients to a strip tease show and lingerie parties.

The case went to an industrial tribunal which was told that residents at the home had demanded her reinstatement. The only condition they requested was heavy duty batteries for those with pacemakers.

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