Animal Crackers
by Graham Smith

Page 3 of 3

Nuts
Did you hear about a leading chain store having to recall a chocoholic range of body paints because they may contain traces of nuts? Now behave.

A notice was issued saying that chocolate body paint, strawberry body paint, passion fruit body paint, hot fudge fantasy and kissing chocolate may contain traces of nuts. There was a freephone helpline but apparently no one could ring it for laughing. Would you?

Nessun Dorma
You may never be able to listen to The Bells are Ringing for Me and My Girl again without weeping with uncontrollable laughter.

You see a priest in Italy has been fined £3,000 for wrecking a couple’s love life by ringing his church bell at the crucial moment.

A four year battle has been fought by a couple to silence the racket from the neighbouring church from where they claimed the priest clapped out their love sessions by ringing the bell at 6pm, 8pm, 10pm, midnight, 4am and 8am.

Apparently it drove the couple mad and the priest in question has now been banned from using the bell except on Sundays and religious festivals. He was also given a suspended jail sentence for a judge in Sicily ruled that the bell broke the noise laws and had “adverse repercussions on sexual activity. The priest has quit saying he was “bitter, tired and disappointed”…bet he wasn’t the only one!

Blowing in the wind
A magazine recently featured some of the lighter moments of The Queen’s many years on the throne.

While on a tour abroad she was in a horse drawn carriage with a foreign leader when the horse broke wind rather loudly.

“I am sorry,” said Her Majesty.

“Oh if you hadn’t said anything I would have thought it was the horse,” came the reply.

Graham Smith can be contacted by e-mail at [email protected] or by phone on 07092 103738, for ideas about having a laugh at life, internationally, nationally, regionally or locally.

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