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Barry Beelzebub – The Devil’s Advocate
A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post


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The Post Office might be tickled to death with its new name, but behind the scenes its workers are as revolting as ever.

Yep, the postmen are on unofficial strike again, there are bodies lying in hospital corridors, the rail system is in meltdown, schools are failing and street crime is going through the roof. So what’s Mr Blah’s priority? Banning fox-hunting.

Nice to know you’ve got your finger on the national pulse, Tony.

Of course banning hunting with dogs is an emotive issue. But Mr Blah is only pursuing this policy as a sop to the Guardian-reading, lentil-eating, sandal-wearing Lefties who helped fund his election campaign. The fox might be uneatable, but Blah’s cynical manipulation of the system is unspeakable.

This isn’t about the welfare of foxes. Shooting them instead is far more cruel. It’s really just a battle in the class war, a way of spoiling the fun of the red-coated toffs who NuLabour seems to think are the only people involved in fox-hunting. They’re in for a shock.

Country people are no mugs. They know that if fox-hunting is effectively banned, shooting will be next. Sport or not, fat bankers in silly trousers taking pot shots at pheasants are all that is keeping many farmers afloat at the moment.

The loony left bandwagon will rumble on. Next will be angling. And greyhound racing. And show-jumping. See that dancing cat on the Bacardi advert? That’ll be out. There will be no end to the madness.

Don’t believe me? Some of the balaclava-clad animal rights nutters have already started picketing fish and chip shops on the grounds that the poor fish are plucked cruelly and mercilessly from the sea. What are we supposed to eat? Grass?

Anyway, can’t stop. My man Whittaker’s cooking pate de fois gras and veal cutlets for tea. With extra blood.


Delighted to see that Blue Peter may make a comeback … but as a programme for the elderly.

Does that mean that we’ll be making furry ankle boots and Sanatogen dispensers out of sticky-backed plastic and toilet roll-holders?

Barry Beelzebub

– The views of Mr Beelzebub are purely personal and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Editor or staff of this newspaper, of Liz MacDonald, Coronation Street’s mini-skirted OAP; of the BBC producer who failed to televise the first female darts streaker; or of Sunderland city council, which is prosecuting a greengrocer for selling bananas in Imperial weights. If pounds and ounces were good enough for Baby Damien, why not for fruit and veg?

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