Vive la difference!
by Graham Smith

Page 3 of 3

The outdoor tables at a high-class restaurant edge precariously onto the roadside. More than once a diner almost ended up with roast duck, orange sauce, a side salad and a wing mirror in his aperitif.

As I returned the car at the end of my stay the receptionist enquired: “Everything has gone well?”

“Oh yes,” I said, managing to stop shaking for long enough to hand the key over. I resisted the temptation to recommend they should fit every vehicle with an incontinence bottle. Vive la difference!

Votes for Y-fronts!
You may have noticed since our last column we have had a General Election. This is the time when politicians make complete fools of themselves doing things they would not normally dream of during the rest of their Parliamentary term.

In my youth they used to like to be pictured kissing babies, but times have moved on. One national newspaper carried a full page on why the Prime Minister wore Calvin Klein underwear while poor William Hague was reduced to Y-fronts. This is earth shattering and I wonder how we have lived without this information.

There can be little wonder why people throw eggs at politicians when they, and their supporting media, indulge in such nonsensical drivel. Should Ann Widdecombe rise to prominence before the next election I trust we will be spared the sight of her adorning our front pages in her underwear.

A sweet look back
Do you remember Five Boys chocolate? Penny arrow bars, chocolate Neopolitans, sugar mice and traffic light lollipops?

They were the sweets and chocolates of our childhood. Those bars that looked like tree branches and tasted worse, the penny tray as you were on your way to school. Memories of them all flooded back as I looked in an old-style sweet ship recently.

Further down the village was an apothecary shop selling pills and potions and items I thought had gone out with the ark.

The ointments included Fiery Jack, a vicious embrocation claimed to cure all manner of complaints years ago. Reminded me of a lady who once complained bitterly to a chemist that it wasn’t working at all for hr husband.

“What’s the problem?” asked the chemist.

“Haemorrhoids,” said the customer… Ouch.

Graham Smith can be contacted by e-mail at [email protected] or by phone on 07092 103738, for ideas about having a laugh at life, internationally, nationally, regionally or locally.

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