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Unidentified Headline 103

A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post


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And it’s also no reason to go running to the Thought Police just because a couple of Taffs start bandying a few insults about. Whatever happened to freedom of speech? If they want to say that we’re all arrogant, snobbish, imperialists with bad breath and a low sex drive, then fine. If I want to say that they’re all short, swarthy, thieves with little regard for personal hygiene, then fine too. This is not racism; this is playground name-calling.

This column has itself been threatened with the CRE by an angry, but ultimately dim-witted, Welshman. It was an utterly pointless gesture. After all, who in their right minds is going to take seriously anything said in here?

No, what we and the Welsh don’t need is a self-perpetuating, publicly-funded, NuLabour apparatchik sticking his nose into this private argument when he should be helping to sort out the problems of Bradford and Oldham.


More nonsense from Norwich. The council which banned conker trees and bouncy castles has now got a new target in its sights – window boxes.Apparently these lethal devices are wont to hurl themselves from several stories up onto the heads of innocent passers-by. Well, they haven’t actually yet, but they might.

I may have the answer. Why not grow conker trees in the window boxes? They can then carefully position the bouncy castles underneath the window boxes, just in case they suddenly plummet to earth. That should keep everyone happy. Next week: Northern Ireland – the solution.


I was going to write about the Hamiltons, but to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t come up with anything more ridiculous than reality.

Let us just be thankful that Jeffrey Archer isn’t involved in this sordid tale.

BARRY BEELZEBUB
The views of Mr Beelzebub are purely personal and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Editor or staff of this newspaper, of anyone who doesn’t think Roy and Hayley are innocent, of anyone not mourning the loss of Match of the Day from Saturday nights, or of anyone who can explain to me why we’re having a public inquiry into a chemical spill 13 years ago, but we can’t have one into the foot and mouth epidemic.

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