A weekly column reproduced from the Bristol Evening Post

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One of the blights of modern times is the belief that style matters more than substance.

From Anthea Turner to Frank Skinner, from Oasis to Mr Blah, the overwhelming message is that having the right image more than makes up for a complete absence of aptitude. And if you doubt this proposition, just take a look at HTV’s idiotic glam-rock weathergirl.

I don’t want to watch some ageing bimbo dressed as if for the disco. I just want to know if I’m going to get frost on my dahlias. You never saw her predecessor, Tony Targett, in a leather jock-strap. (Well you did, actually, but the lawyers would prefer that we don’t refer to that unfortunate incident.)

The latest organisation to fall into this trap is the Post Office. Despite being one of the strongest and best known brands in the country, it has seen fit to call in those men with silly glasses and combat trousers, the image consultants. Remember, these are the kind of people who, when asked to name the city’s cornerstone millennium attraction, came up with the unreadable and unwriteable @Bristol.

And that explains why one of our national institutions is now called Consignia. And it only cost half a million pounds to think up.

I thought it was Italian for “endless queue”, but apparently it’s “modern and meaningful” without actually meaning anything. I would have thought that after 365 years, the words “Post Office” would have been meaningful enough.

Sadly, this sort of management mumbo jumbo soon spreads. Hence the telephone call I received from the Editor of this monstrous organ, who had torn himself away from a weary copy of Big and Bouncy in a state of some agitation.

“Bazza,” he cries. “We’ve had the red-socked twats in and they want to rename the Evening Post. They’re going to call us BeP`ostia, with a little squiggly thing.”

“Don’t worry, boss,” I tell him. “This is Bristol. It’ll have to be BeP`ostial.”

(Apologies to readers elsewhere who might not be familiar with Bristolian speech impediments.)

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