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All wind and waffle?

All wind and waffle?
by Graham Smith

Freelance journalist Graham Smith, of Mediaworld, looks at Euronuts, Bin Laden and monkey business.


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Picking up an award
Do you pick your nose? It’s called rhinotillexomania in the medical dictionary and an Indian doctor has just picked (sorry) up an award for his work on adolescent nose picking.

In fact Dr Chitaranjan Andrade has been awarded the 2001 IgNobel award for it in the US. The mind boggles.

All this carpet bombing of Ossie bin Liner and they could have saved a fortune. A couple of dozen Stealth bombers over Afghaniland with the pilots picking their noses and flicking it out of the cockpit could have saved a lot of public money, and made a wonderful advert for Kleenex. Real germ warfare that!


Widdecombe fair
Have you seen Ann Widdecombe’s new hairdo? Looks like she’s been run over with a Dysons vacuum.

Not blessed with the prettiest of faces, trodden on chip springs to mind, the Tory grandee resembles a 70’s page boy gone wrong. The hair’s all right it’s what’s underneath it. I’m trying to resist a line about lend me your grey mare, sorry it just slipped out.


All wind and waffle
Don’t you just love the Euronuts?

They’ve given us straight bananas, customised lengths for condoms and now Sainsburys have rebelled and are to call their sprouts British not Brussels. I like it.

Any kick in the differentials for the bureaucratic barmpots is fair game.

When I was a kid you could have a golliwog every Christmas, get badges with the jam, my grandfather’s horse was called Nigger but now you can be locked up for reciting “Baa, Baa black sheep”.

I shall put little crosses in the back of the British sprouts this Christmas and imagine the resultant pattern is some Euro barmpot’s rear end.

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